One Horse's Girl

I wasn't expecting to write this so soon. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to write it at all but I've actually found that talking about it helps me. It's not easy....if this was on paper it would be covered in tear stains, but I think it's necessary and helpful and I want to honor his memory.

It's strange to me sometimes how many of the people in my life now didn't know me as a horse girl. Even Derrick never knew me as a rider. It's crazy because I grew up riding from age 8-21 and it is what made me who I am today. The biggest part of that coveted "horse girl" title was my horse Kelly. A few weeks before my 13th birthday my parents took me out to lunch and gave me a word scramble. I couldn't figure out that it spelled out "Your Own Horse". I think I didn't want to believe it and get my hopes up.  A few weeks later my Aunt, Mom, and I found Kelly...a western quarter horse who could do barrel racing turns and sliding stops. I am not a western rider but I fell very quickly in love with that horse and we had him on a trailer on the way to his new home shortly after.

For the next 5 years I basically lived at the barn and created an incredibly strong bond with my horse. He took me to my first ever horse trials, protected me over fences and in the cross country field. We dressed up for every Halloween. He was trustworthy enough for me to put my friends and family who had never ridden before on him but spirited enough to make trouble with me. He made me laugh daily. We had ups and downs and had to investigate lamenss issues along the way and I cried when I found out he was going blind in one eye. My best friends and I goofed off on bareback trail rides and walked through water falls. I would furiously defend his name every time someone would tell me Kelly isn't a boy's name. Our entire family (dog and cat included) trekked out to the barn one day because I demanded he be on our Christmas card.  He knew my foot steps when I walked in the barn and I'd hear him nicker at me from down the barn aisle before I was even in eye sight. He and I grew up together and he was truly my first love.

Kelly moved around a bit while I was in college and another little 13 year old girl fell in love with him and asked to buy him in 2009. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but at that point I wasn't able to give him the time he needed and the fact that another girl could give him the love and attention that I had doted on him at that age convinced me to do it. I'm friends with Kathryn on facebook and have been able to see photos of him through the years as he aged and happily interacted with his new girl. I do not regret selling him to her but I have always missed him. On Monday night I got a facebook message from Kathryn. Kelly had broken his leg and had to be put down. I crumbled. It's been 6 years since I've seen him but I have never forgotten him and I had always hoped that I might get him back one day. I hadn't really thought about how I would react when I got that news but my heart is completely broken. 27 years is an amazing life for a horse and I am so grateful that he died in a familiar place surrounded by people who adore him.

I don't have digital pictures of him on hand so pictures of pictures will have to do. Here he is, the first day we brought him home. It was my 13th birthday. Look how tiny Jack was...he was about 5 there. Looking through pictures it's been fun to realize that my brothers grew up with Kelly to. Not as extensively as me of course but he was a very real part of their life as well.

Our first horse show together. 

This is one of my favorite photos. I would visit Kelly every Christmas day to take him treats in his pasture. Jay went with me sometimes.

At TTC...we spent many weekends at horse shows there.

It wasn't all sunshine and roses. This was me upset because Kelly threw me off during our cross country course. I popped up and went sprinting after him and caught him when he stopped to graze :)

Kelly used to drink Sundrop out of the can. I'd always get one out of the vending machine and give him the last 1/4 of the can. I'd hold it up for him and he's slurp it down. Sweet Derrick remembered this and brought me a Sundrop last night.

This picture makes me cry. This is just SO him. He was the sweetest boy with the sweetest face.

This was one of his homes after I went to college. I went to visit him every time I was home and he would always stand and watch me drive away until he couldn't see my car anymore. Looking through all of these pictures I am so glad to have all of these memories.

I was trying to figure out how to describe the relationship between a girl and her horse to those who aren't horse people. It's not easy to do. Most people who didn't know me with Kelly do know me with Crosby. I can say with complete certainty that my bond with Kelly was and still is stronger then it ever has been or will be with Crosby. I do not mean that to cut Crosby down because you all know how loved she is, but it's true. The fact is, as a 13 year old I put my life and trust into the hands of a 2,000 pound animal and he returned that trust to me. We took care of each other and I spent more time with him then almost anything else from age 13 to college. He would do anything I asked of him without hesitation. He had complete trust in me and I had complete trust in him. I would have put my life down for him.

Six years later I don't think that I can call myself a horse girl anymore. At least not a currently active one.  I do hope to be an active horse girl again one day and if I have a daughter I would love to get back into riding with her. I think it would be the perfect time and it will give me time to recover from this incredible loss that I am feeling. I know it will get better but my mom said it best when she said I am truly grieving. I am grieving the loss of my last tie to the horse world. My last ray of hope that I will see him and own him again one day. I am grieving the loss of my first very true love.

I may not be a horse girl anymore but I will always and forever be one horse's girl.